Bob’s letter from the Tandem: Promoted to Rear Admiral – executive orders pending

Hiya all

I am back, Bob, your favourite Angel bear on the bike.

Being a pretty laid back kind if bear, I don’t usually bother myself too much with the admin detail associated with this trip. Leave that to the GOFOR on the front. But Angel Mama, Therese, from The Bald Angels has provided us with some stories that motivates them to do what the charity does. We will put these stories in a ‘breakout box’ in our posts and the first one is embedded in a blue shaded box at the bottom of my letter.

Right now for the goss from the bike.

When we got home to Kerikeri we were all in need of a good wash and spruce up.The RA flew off to the hair dresser very next day, for a haircut and highlights – boy did she look smashing.  The GOTF on the other hand – well only thing I can say here is” You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear”. He had taken chunks of skin and hair out of his face and head because his razor was blunt and falling to bits. Actually he looked like he’d gone a few rounds in the ring with Mike Tyson. And me? Well I was looking pretty dandy after a full spa, shampoo and blow wave. I also indulged in a bit of me time- code for honey and sleep, that was after being taken down from the Christmas tree. While it was a great honour to be the Angel on top of the tree they were not very thoughtful about how I was stuck on the tree.

Now as you already know the RA has bailed on me for the return trip from Invers to Kerikeri, which has left me with the dilemma of having to handle the GOTF on my own. She got home, saw her house and garden and breathed a big sigh of relief. Then we just couldn’t budge her. I pushed, the GOTF shoved- nothing. She said that while she really wanted to keep going for the kids, she had to think about her own health. I wanted to bail too, but being the responsible bear that I am, and thinking of all those kids that are depending on me, I decided to soldier on. So I’m asking you guys out there (and you know who you are), to give me and the GOTF as much support as you can. You can do this by sending wonderful words of encouragement and if so inclined, donate to Angel Tandem on our give-a-little page to help kids get the start in life they deserve. It makes us feel it’s worth the effort. I can tell you that after a couple of really wet days there has to be some amazing reason why I am being put through all this trauma. I am an Angel Bear and my job is to comfort traumatised children not be the one who is traumatised! Groooowwwwl (that is a really frustrated bear noise)

Anyway moving on, while sitting on the RAs seat I am a little prone to day dreaming to take my mind off the horrors of where the GOTF is taking us. It’s not always advisable to daydream on a bike as you are very likely to fall off as I have discovered. I thought it might help me to not feel so scared to dream about what the RA was up to at home, relaxing, sleeping, eating my honey (because all honey is mine), catching up with friends. But then I realised that this wasn’t helping at all. I just felt like legging it and catching the first bus out of here.

Since then I’ve been strapped, velcoed and glued to the RA ‘s seat. I guess I fell off one too many times. So I am back in my old lair but riding up front now which is even scarier.

As I mentioned we have had two very wet days already. In fact, so wet that I have considered donning goggles, snorkel and flippers. The GOTF looked like something out of a horror movie and when he tried to talk only bubbles came out. We arrived at one of our overnight stays and the GOTF cranked the heater up to full to try and dry out his gear. The room became like a sauna. The windows were covered in condensation so when he wasn’t looking I wrote on the fogged up window “HELP”, hoping to be rescued from this madness by a passer by. At least I got to ride indoors on these wet days so didn’t have to experience even more trauma. I just read books and sipped pins coladas, Well the RA confiscated my honey so what is a traumatised bear to do.

The riding was pretty flat for the first three days but as we went north mountains started to reappear and I don’t have good memories of mountains on that ride south. Mavora Lakes (where we camped) was remote, stunning and tranquil and scary. I climbed a tree because this bush was really spooky – like you see in movies, you know the ones with hobbits (whatever they are). I was more worried about snakes and wolves until the GOTF came over and coaxed me down. He said that grizzlies are far more fearsome and in any event we don’t have them in this country. We went for a walk and were shocked that such a beautiful place was being polluted – by human beans. There were fizz boats speeding around on the lake, motor bikes screaming around ripping up the ground, people shooting guns off up in the mountains hunting and heaps of tents, cars and camper vans and some of them had dogs tearing around all over the place. One lady said to the GOTF, “Don’t tell any Aucklanders about this place. We don’t want them all down here”. To which I wanted to reply” Why would we do that, there is no room for them anyway.”

The flat terrain honeymoon soon ended. We had an awful ride in the rain through Mt Nicholas Station. There were heaps of huge bulls and cows and frisky calves and they like standing in the middle of the road, not to mention doing other things on the road. We were dodging cows and cow pats and the GOTF was weaving along like a drunk. Needless to say he didn’t miss them all (the cow splats) and when we got to Walter Peak and got on the boat to Queenstown he had a seat all to himself – he looked disgusting.

After a power stop in Queenstown we were facing a ride over the Crown Range to Wanaka. A cyclist that we met in Bluff told us we wouldn’t make it trying to ride it the wrong way (the steep side). Well thats “red rag to a bull” for the GOTF. With the bit between his teeth we powered off. Unfortunately my legs don’t reach the RA’s pedals so no help there. Just had to gird my loins and hope for the best. Turned out that this ride wasn’t as bad as everyone had painted it. Traffic not bad and sealed all the way. All the time the RA along with a team of 3 others monitored our progress. They all are connected to our travels by zoleo (epirb, satelite) and komoot (navigation) in case the GOTF takes a detour and gets lost or pedals over a cliff (that’s as in a bluff, not riding over himself). The wonders of modern technology. I heard the GOTF cursing about all the messages as he came down the mountain. They were having some debate amongst themselves about where he was so he stopped and sent a message telling them. The madness then stopped.

We made it to Wanaka and a nice lady came over to see if we would like to share some of their lunch as she made too much. Aren’t people nice. We even had a ‘rest day’ there. The GOFOR didn’t do much resting though. He was busy fixing the bike, washing all the cow poo of it and his clothes, shopping and socialising. That guy needs to get a life. I chilled.

We have now biked through some pretty impressive mountains and today came over another hill, a pass, the ones that the former RA got pretty antsy about. I have to say that there was no complaining from me, I didn’t even break into a sweat. When we got to the top I jumped on the GOFOR’s seat as I wanted to steer the bike down the mountain. He goes way too slow and I need a few thrills in my life. Anyway, that didn’t go well, he pointed out that my paws didn’t reach the brake levers. I reluctantly got back into my pouch. I am pleased that I didn’t steer it down it was STEEP!

I have made an executive decision and decided to appoint myself as the Rear Admiral. I have been watching a certain person in action and I am going to start issuing executive orders. The first one is that I want a new jar of honey otherwise I am going to refuse to head over the Haast Pass to the West Coast this week. I think the GOTF is both blind and deaf as he has done nothing to oblige. I am off to find a hiding place. I know, I ended up biking – no buses are heading to Kerikeri.

Ciao

Bob R.A.