Bob’s letter from the Tandem: It is getting really weird

Hiya all

I have been desperate to get my paws on the iPad so that I can ‘pen’ a brief plea to my followers – HELP!

Everybody we meet says that the GOTF must be crazy and I am with them on that. They only know the half of it! I have to put up with him 24×7 and frankly he has become unbearable and a threat to my health. He has completely ignored the fact that I am the Rear Admiral now. He just shoves me in the front pocket of the bike bag and forgets that i am even there. Today he didn’t even bother to put my rain gear on and boy did it rain. My sunnies were fogged up on the inside and covered in water on the outside. I couldn’t see a thing. I could feel the cold rain seeping through my fur and it was horrible. I don’t like rain and waved my paws like mad to try and get his attention but as I could not see I may have just been waving at the trees or the birds. Then after about 2 hours, when I thought my fur was going to wash off I heard him say, “Bob what are you doing out here”? “Good question, I am not here by choice buddy”. Then he says, “oh well, a bit late now and anyway you need a good wash” When the RA gave me a wash back in Twizel at least she gave me a nice warm bath and then a loverly warm blow wave. When we got to Ōtaki he just chucked me out in the sun with his smelly wet gear. I could have been abducted by another crazed seagull, like that one legged maniac back in Tauranga Bay.

In Nelson I had a near death experience when he took the tandem into a bike shop to get some loose screws replaced. I know, I know, you are thinking like me that he has quite a few screws loose and a bike shop is not where he needs to go. But these were actually screws on the bike. Anyway, he props the bike up in the shop and wanders off to talk to one of the mechanics. Out of nowhere this crazed dog came screaming across the floor and launched himself at me and the bike. I thought the bike was going to topple over but my eyes were locked on the teeth heading towards me and they looked sharp and were getting perilously close to my little bear nose. The GOTF at least rushed over, not to save me but to stop his precious bike from falling over. The mechanic, who seemed to be the dog’s boss, said to the GOTF, “have you got a toy on the bike”? Then he saw me and laughed and said “that is what little Jack Russell is after, he loves ripping little things like that to bits”. WHAT! They think I am a toy and furball wants to decapitate me. The GOTF chuckles, and gives the little demon a pat on the head. Then the dog has another go at trying to get me. Finally the GOTF realises that I am on Jack’s lunch menu and picks me up and shoves me into his backpack. Where is the justice in this World? Why should the victim of an attempted murder get the raw deal?

It took me a couple of days to recover from that horrific experience. I needed counselling for my trauma but I just had to suck it up, grin and bear it. By this time we were back in a place we had been to before, Picton. I have no idea why we are back here, just more evidence of the GOTFs state of mind, now he is riding to places we have already been to. I think I will start calling him Forrest Chump.

So we stay in the same place we stayed last time, getting the picture here? I start to think we are on a rinse and repeat cycle here. But then he wakes up in the dark, I am bearly awake and he shoves me into my pocket on the bike. With my sunnies on I can’t see a thing. Then we are off. Not only is it really dark but the bike is making all kinds of funny noises and I can hear the GOTF cursing about that. Anyway, when it finally gets light enough I see that big boat just down the road and we are going on that again. So my fears about the GOTF state of mind are right, we are going over the same territory. Anyway everyone else gets on the boat leaving us behind. Then he makes a real spectacle of himself by doing this grand solo ride onto the boat, the last one on. How embarrassing – I duck down into the pocket so that no one can see me.

We get on the boat or ship I think we are meant call big boats. He ties the bike up to a hitching rail. Now he thinks he is riding a horse! He grabs a few things off the bike and heads off, leaving me all alone down in the noisy, smelly part of the ship with all the scary big trucks. He really does want to get rid of me.

I am getting a bit teary writing this letter because I have to relive all of these horrible experiences.

When we get off the boat/ship, you guessed it, we are back in another place we have been to, Wellington. He gets out his phone and starts talking to someone who I gather is another of these bike mechanics. Oh no, not another bike shop with a crazed dog. We ride up the road and he starts heading towards Parliament and just as I am starting to have panic attacks about being dragged into the public gallery and tortured by debating politicians, he veers off towards another place we rode through, the Hutt Valley. The next stop really needs to be the hospital as this dude is in really bad shape. But nope, we keep going out to Upper Hutt and he pulls up outside a bike shop and wheels the bike in. Now I am on high alert looking for homicidal canines but there don’t appear to be any. Suddenly he starts unpacking the bike, has a quick chat to someone then walks out the door with all his gear leaving me and the bike behind. What about me Chump? Then he spots my paws flapping around like mad and comes back and gets me and shoves me into the pannier.

My mind in working overtime. What is going on, has he given up, are we going home? Nope, I get yanked out of the pannier a bit later, the place is familiar, yeah, another place we have already stayed at. I recognise some of the people and then I see the other Bob and they all start laughing and joking (again) about 2 Bob. Am I living a in a recurring nightmare here?

Well, it turns out that he had worn out part of the bike but that worn out bit has been replaced. Pity. As we are riding again.

I really don’t think that I can take much more of this. Hey old Rear Admiral, if you read this letter can you please, please, pretty please come back and save me. It has become unbearable.

I hope this is not goodbye but i don’t like my chances.

Bob

PS – the ride today was along trails and through towns that we have not been to before – there may be hope – I may have jumped to a few wrong conclusions, unlikely, but I will update you later- if I survive. In the meantime here is another story from the Bald Angels. I know that you can’t help me but you make be able to make a difference for some of these children. You can donate at:https://givealittle.co.nz/fundraiser/the-angel-tandem-two-70and-year-olds-riding-7500km